The great Williams Shakespeare was evidently a man who had his way with words, so when he used the term “fool” in relation to love, he hardly meant it as pejorative. For example, in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, the subtext of Puck’s famous line suggests that love can be a form of madness: “Lord, what fools these mortals be!” In As You Like It, he presents love as a form of sickness that turns his characters into irrational beings. In Much Ado About Nothing, Beatrice and Benedick start as intelligent characters averse to love, only to end up acting as fools in the name of love. The references are endless, but you get the point. It’s said that the hardest person to advise is a person in love, but I’ll try.
Did I Just Hear Muah?
Exactly two years ago, I wrote this about house parties/sleepovers, “It’s mostly a euphemism for mekwe, drugs and booze.” I was very excited when Akwaman did a skit on the subject, and it went viral. It wasn’t just the catchphrase and humorous manner in which he interpreted his character, but the real message, which hopefully didn’t fly over our heads, was that a person being sexually assaulted when in a vulnerable environment. When you go to a place, and somebody says, “We’re all adults here” – that is not just a pretext to violate bodily autonomy but also used as pseudo-consent. Then there is drug-laden food or snacks and drinks that are sure to lower inhibition, all designed to take advantage of others under the cover of fun and games. Yes, gang initiations happen too, and the assault is how people are forcefully recruited or blackmailed. I’m not trying to scare you, but if you really don’t have any business attending a house party or cannot vouch for the character of at least five persons in that circle, you’re better off staying in your house.
Engagement Farming
I’m a big fan of independent media, citizen journalism and OTT content for many reasons. Not only do I get content that’s in long form, not overly scripted, but I also like listening to actual human beings. I can relate to their stories. The downside of this model is that the various platforms have been monetised. So when you listen to most content creators, they are not sharing sensible or logical content – they are sharing content they believe will best drive engagement. Hence, you see content that is designed for rage-bait and deliberately sensationalised to maximise clicks and interactions. The internet has also empowered many people to live a double life – somebody who is advising you to leave your man because he can’t afford to buy you a GLE won’t tell you that her own GLE was bought by the chief. Somebody whose lifestyle is funded by his fraudulent activities will have the guts to broke-shame hardworking young men. Take every hot take on the internet with a pinch of salt.
Truth Or Trauma?
The other side is that some creators are yet to heal; what they are spewing is from their trauma. Somebody broke your heart, you quickly set up a ring light and start saying all men are scum. Aunty, have you met all the men on God’s green earth? If all men are scum, does that include your father, brothers or uncle? Imagine a guy whose girlfriend cheated on him starting a Women Are Not Loyal Podcast. The premise for such conversations is already flawed; at best, the community would be a melting pot for jilted lovers. Misery indeed loves company; that’s why some people who have been dealt a bad hand in romantic relationships want as many people as possible to suffer the same fate. As much as we throw the title around, nobody is really an expert in anything because we have not been on earth before – at best, we have just accumulated experiences and knowledge that help us make better decisions. There is no one-size-fits-all formula for relationships. If you run your relationship based on advice from random people on the internet, na you sabi.
The Lore Of How You Got Your Heart Broken
In this my small life, my eyes don see many things. I have seen how differently people react to being served breakfast: some people change location, fight for the relationship or just move on. E get one of my guys that year, breakfast turn am to motivational speaker. Any small thing e go drop principles for a successful relationship. The one I don’t understand is refusing to eat because some unfortunate fellow decided to toy with your heart. I get it that it can be very painful physically and emotionally but punishing yourself for someone else’s indiscretion is wild. I think people need to realise that it’s not an indictment on you that you got cheated on, that’s on the other person. Take a break from dating, focus your energy somewhere else and trust that someone who is deserving of your awesomeness will come along – take it as an opportunity for character development. O fe spaghetti? You will love spicy noodles. No matter wetin sup, you better eat.
Non-Chalant FC
For my interior décor, I might be a minimalist, but for my romance, miss me with that bare minimum energy. Why are we in a relationship that feels as though you are doing me a favour by being with me? As how nau? Make everybody do normal because me sef no small. I can’t be the only one supplying the fuel that the relationship runs on. Trust me, people are never too busy for the person they truly love. If you have to always remind your lover about your special days or how you want to be loved, chances are that he or she is not the one. Another sign of nonchalant lovers is that they blur the lines between you and others; they don’t mind flirting in your presence or with your knowledge. They will rarely tell you that they are tired of you, but they will treat you so badly that you will be forced to figure it out. Translation: you dey go nau! I have said it a thousand times before: someone who truly loves you will rather chew grass before putting you in a situation where you have to question your place in his or her life. When I see anyone fighting a lover’s sidepiece, I immediately conclude that it’s a lack of self-awareness. If you loved yourself enough, you would have walked away with whatever remains of your dignity.
Baby, I Can Explain
Imagine you are a hunter who lives in a civilised society. One day, you take your gun and head into the woods to hunt deer, then you spot movement afar off that appears to resemble that of a deer. You instinctively shoot at it, but when you get closer to the spot, you are shocked to find out that it was a human being and not an animal! You panic, but you also have the presence of mind to call law enforcement and inform them of the unfortunate situation. However, there is a second scenario where you shoot a person ‘mistakenly’, but instead of informing law enforcement, you choose to bury the body. Plot twist: just when you think you’re out of the woods, an investigation is launched – detectives trace the crime back to you using traffic cams, fingerprints, ballistic tests, and cell tower info. In the first scenario, what you tell the cops is considered an explanation, but in the second scenario, it’s considered a confession after-the-fact. In the first case, you would most likely get a manslaughter charge and serve less time in jail because you cooperate with authorities. In the second case, you would most likely get a murder charge with a lengthy jail time because you tried to cheat the system – the difference between the two cases is the establishment of intent.
I had to paint that graphic analogy to evoke your thinking. Cheating in a relationship is a big deal, even though it seems to have been watered down. It takes a lot to actually cheat on your partner: flirting, hiding messages, secret phone calls, coded expenses, which ultimately leads to sneaky linking. A mistake is an impulsive action, not a calculated series of actions. Let’s even give you the benefit of the doubt that it was a mistake. Did you inform your partner? It doesn’t guarantee that you will be forgiven or that your partner will continue the relationship, but it shows that you are willing to be accountable for your actions. However, if your partner was trained at Langley and dem bust you in the act of cheating, what you say then means almost nothing. You just want to apologise because you got caught, not because you think what you did is wrong. When a person says, “Baby, I can explain” after being caught cheating, chances are that gaslighting will follow.
W’s In The Chat?
There are some people who are the best lovers online but monsters when the camera is off; they show you off on the internet, not necessarily because they are over the moon, but they just see you as a trophy. They have a Jekyll & Hyde personality; one day you’re being flown out for a baecation to that Missoni Suite at the Byblos – next day your face is being redesigned by punches. These type of people are master manipulators; their public show of love for you not only confuses you psychologically but creates an alibi for them in the event you decide to speak out. Don’t negotiate with crazy, don’t look for closure – just leave!
Men Are NOT Polygamous By Nature, It’s By Decision
This may not be a popular point, but I’ll share it anyway. The assertion that men or women are polygamous by nature is one of the most disingenuous submissions I have heard in my life. We are all created as free moral agents; if you want to have sexual relations with multiple people, it’s your choice, nobody will beat you as long as you’re both consenting adults. There is polygamy, polyandry, polycule, throuple and all manner of open arrangements, but when you carry your two left legs and enter into an exclusive relationship with someone, it becomes dumb to say you’re polygamous by nature as an excuse for your cheating. Humans are good at using cultural cover to hide bad behaviour; that’s why a lady will be promiscuous and claim she’s exercising her sexual freedom. A married man will keep philandering and claim monogamy was created by white people to limit sexual enjoyment by black people. As how nau? That lady calls you her bae; do not have a hand in her heartbreak.
Relationship Of Particular Concern
In fairness to most people, they don’t knowingly walk into situationships. They just assume in their heads that something is going on without having a proper conversation with the other person. Some people are generally nice, and it’s easy to misinterpret their kindness as romantic overtures, especially if your primary love language is acts of service. Such people are equally nice to other people without strings attached. However, certain people will just string you along – they want the benefits of being your lover without making any commitment or sacrifice. For example, someone is waking you up every morning with lovely messages, always wants to spend leisure time with you, acts jealous when it seems another person is getting too close to you and loves speaking with you on the phone late in the night. What this person is really doing is positioning himself or herself in your life so that in the event that there is any unfortunate period you become emotionally vulnerable, e go chop and clean mouth. So, that person you think is your lover, does he or she share the same position about you? Thank you for your attention to this matter.
