I stood over the laundry basket, my hands deep in the tangled mess of tiny clothes. Another morning, another missing sock. My baby’s outfit was perfect—except for that one stubborn sock that refused to show up. Three days in a row now. I could feel the irritation rise, bubbling up from a place deeper than I cared to admit.
And then, in the heat of my frustration, I saw her. Not my daughter—me. Ten years old. Standing in the schoolyard, my feet uneven in shoes that had seen better days, my socks mismatched because hand-me-downs don’t always come in pairs. The laughter of other children rang in my ears. The sting of their words—sharp, cutting, unforgettable. And suddenly, I understood.
A deeper wound
Growing up Haitian in the ’80s was to grow up in a world that didn’t always want you. I was tall, too tall to shrink, too awkward to disappear. My English, thick with my parents’ history, made my difference undeniable. And my clothes—borrowed, shared, never quite my own—spoke of the struggle in ways my pride would not.
Kids notice everything. And they did. They laughed. They pointed. They reminded me every single day that I was different, that I did not belong. And so I learned to fight for control. If I could match my socks, if I could smooth my collar, if I could walk just so, maybe—just maybe—they wouldn’t see my difference first.
Fast forward to now. I am 45 years old. A lawyer. A mother. A wife. A daughter to an aging parent. A woman balancing two mortgages, a nonprofit, a for-profit and a million other things. I am accomplished, whole, respected. And yet a tiny sock was threatening to unravel me.
Motherhood as a mirror
Motherhood is funny like that. It holds up a mirror, forcing you to look at yourself when you least expect it. It whispers, “Have you healed? Have you forgiven? Have you let go?”
That morning, bent over a pile of laundry, I had to admit—I had not. I was still chasing perfection. Still trying to fix the unfixable. Still believing that if I could just make everything match, I could outrun the little girl who once stood in the schoolyard, trying to make herself small.
But perfection is a myth, and control is an illusion. Socks will go missing. Children will do as they please. Life will twist and turn in ways we cannot predict. And maybe, just maybe, that is the way it is meant to be.
Letting go of the illusion
The next morning, my daughter plucked two socks from the pile—one blue, one pink. She grinned, wiggling her tiny toes, completely unbothered by their mismatch. And in that moment, I made a choice: I smiled back. I let it go.
Because the truth is those socks were never just socks. They were a symbol of something much bigger: years of unnecessary shame, of believing that order and perfection were the keys to acceptance. But my baby, in her mismatched socks and her carefree joy, had already learned what took me 45 years to understand.
A message to fellow mothers and professionals
To the working mothers, the lawyer moms, the women holding up the world: Be kind to yourself. We are spinning plates, carrying burdens, managing a million moving parts. And yet in the rush to keep everything together, we forget to extend grace—to ourselves.
Healing childhood wounds is not just for us. It is for the people we love. It is for our children, our partners, our mentees, our colleagues. It is for the next generation, so they do not have to unlearn what we were forced to believe.
So the next time something small sets you off, pause. Breathe. Ask yourself, “What is this really about?” And when you find your answer, let it go.
Some battles are not worth fighting. Some socks are not meant to match. And sometimes the greatest lesson we can teach ourselves is how to love the little child within us who still longs to be whole. And that, my dear, is the real victory.
Joseline Jean-Louis Hardrick is a lawyer, a full-time professor, a nonprofit founder, a filmmaker, an author and a publisher of several books. Visit JoselineHardrick.com for more info.
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