Somewhere between productivity culture and romantic idealism, we forgot how to spend time with ourselves without waiting for someone else to show up, writes Zoë Erasmus.
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Solo date: a small, intentional act of self-attention that turns alone time into something meaningful rather than incidental.
A solo date isn’t about self-improvement or filling silence. It’s about presence. It’s choosing to spend time with yourself in the same way you would with someone you care about.
What a solo date really is (and isn’t)
At its core, a solo date is intentional time carved out for yourself. Not the rushed coffee between errands or scrolling in bed after a long day, but time set aside with purpose. It can be as simple as walking through a neighbourhood you’ve never explored or as indulgent as a long lunch with a book and no deadlines waiting.
It’s also not about isolation. Solo dating doesn’t replace connection with others; it complements it. By getting comfortable with your own company, you take pressure off relationships to entertain, validate, or complete you. You arrive more grounded, more aware, and often more interesting, too.
Why solo dates matter
Spending time alone has become quietly radical. We’re rarely without input: messages, podcasts, notifications, background noise. Solo dates create space to hear your own thoughts without immediately reacting to them.
They also build self-trust. When you make plans with yourself and keep them, you reinforce the idea that your time is valuable. You don’t need a reason or an audience to do something nice for yourself. That confidence has a way of spilling into the rest of your life, from relationships to work to creativity.
There’s also joy in rediscovery. Many people realise, on solo dates, that they’ve forgotten what they actually like—what kind of music makes them hum along, which cafés feel grounding, what pace suits them best. Alone, you get to follow your own rhythm.
Choosing the right solo date
The best solo dates are aligned with your energy, not aspirational versions of yourself. If museums drain you, don’t force one. If sitting still feels impossible, choose something with movement. The goal isn’t to perform solitude well; it’s to enjoy it honestly.
Some solo date ideas include:
- A long walk with no destination.
- A café visit with a notebook instead of a phone.
- A movie theatre or gallery visit during off-peak hours.
- A solo picnic, even if it’s just coffee and a pastry on a park bench.
- Cooking a meal slowly, with music you love and nowhere to be.
What matters most is removing urgency. Solo dates thrive in spaciousness.
The discomfort (and why it’s part of the process)
The first few solo dates can feel awkward. You might reach for your phone out of habit or feel strangely self-conscious sitting alone in public. This is normal. Discomfort often appears when we’re not being entertained or observed, and that’s precisely why solo dates are valuable.
If anxiety creeps in, treat it gently. You don’t need to “fix” the moment. Sit with it. Breathe. Notice what you’re feeling without judgement. Over time, the discomfort softens, replaced by a quiet confidence that doesn’t need constant reinforcement.
Making it a ritual, not a rarity
Solo dates don’t need to be elaborate or expensive to be meaningful. In fact, they work best when they’re regular. A weekly morning coffee, a monthly wander through a bookshop, a standing date with the sea or a park near your home.
Turning solo dates into rituals anchors you. They become touchstones in busy weeks, moments that remind you who you are when no one else is shaping the room.
Falling back in love with your own company
The art of the solo date isn’t about doing more; it’s about noticing more. Noticing how you feel, what you’re drawn to, and how capable you are of creating moments of joy for yourself.
It’s important to remember that often times the most meaningful relationship you’ll ever nurture is the one you have with yourself.
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