Music is a huge part of my life. I start and end my day with it. I carefully curate my playlist, and other times, I let shuffle decide my mood. One fateful morning, I let the songs run riot, and Olivia Rodrigo’s Déjà vu came on. I’ve heard it a thousand times, but that morning, I uttered something before I could stop myself: “She needs closure.”
I love the song. It’s melodic, raw, and one of my favourites. But it’s also a heartbreak anthem, drenched in nostalgia and hurt. Olivia sings about all the little things she did with her ex, now being recycled with the new girl: “So when you gonna tell her that we did that too? She thinks it’s special, but it’s all reused…”
Listening to her, I understood. Because I’ve been there too. Maybe you have as well.
The Ache of Déjà vu
Breakups are hard, especially the premature ones where you didn’t see it coming, where you thought you still had time. What’s harder is the image of your ex with someone new. Suddenly, the sacred things you once shared: your favourite restaurant, that one TV series, the songs you both claimed as yours, feel like they’ve been copied and pasted into another relationship.
That’s why songs like Déjà vu sting. They remind us that closure is not just about saying goodbye to a person; it’s about saying goodbye to the version of ourselves that lived in that relationship.
Chasing Closure
Honestly, many times when I told myself I needed closure, what I really wanted was another chance. I wasn’t seeking an ending; I was hoping for a new beginning. That’s the tricky thing about closure; it’s not always what we think it is.
What I’ve learned is that: No communication is closure. If someone ghosts you or chooses silence, that silence says enough. Happiness isn’t a performance. You don’t need to overshare online just to prove you’ve “moved on.” Be happy because you deserve joy, not because you’re trying to win the breakup. Time works quietly. One day, you’ll go a full 24 hours without thinking about them. That’s progress.
Setting Yourself Free
Healing after heartbreak can be a messy process, and it looks different for everyone. While some people choose to block their exes, I never did that, so I won’t advise you on something I haven’t practised. However, here are some things that helped me:
Allow yourself to grieve if you need to. Cry, write, and truly feel the loss. Take small, kind actions for yourself: cook your favourite meal, go out by yourself, or buy yourself flowers. Remember to forgive yourself; it’s easy to get caught up in thoughts like, “If only I hadn’t said that one thing…” But keep in mind that relationships don’t fall apart because of just one moment.
Most importantly, don’t rush the process. Healing is not a race.
The Bigger Picture
There are over seven billion people in the world, and you haven’t yet met all the individuals who will love you. Just thinking about that can be freeing. Reflect on your past experiences with gratitude, rather than longing. They were meaningful while they lasted, but now it’s time to create new stories.
I understand Olivia’s perspective of déjà vu. However, I also want to remind you—yes, you who are reading this—that you are the main character in your own story. You deserve joy, wholeness, and a love that feels like home.
When that love arrives, it won’t feel like déjà vu; it will feel completely new.
