When I was pregnant with my son, I followed a celebrity on social media who was also expecting around the same time. She gave birth just before I did, and when I saw her post-baby photos, I was instantly drawn in. She looked amazing, and I thought I could look like that too. At the time, I was still slim, around 60kg, and I imagined that once I returned to Nigeria, friends and family would still call me lepa (slim).
I started buying tight, fitted clothes, forcing myself into them, just so I could be seen as a “yummy mummy.” But truthfully, I never really looked the part, and that made me feel like I had failed. After having my second child, I doubled down, doing intense workouts, obsessing over snapping back.
But over time, I realised I couldn’t keep up. I wasn’t her. I wasn’t them. All of it—the clothes, the workouts, the pressure—wasn’t really about me. It was about how I wanted to be perceived. I never stopped to truly honour what my body had done: bring life into the world. Instead, when I didn’t meet my own unrealistic expectations, I felt ashamed, defeated and started to withdraw. Slowly, my self-esteem and confidence took a hit.
I know I’m not alone in this experience. Many mothers share a similar story. This led me to question: Why do so many mothers struggle with body image and self-worth after childbirth? Here’s what I’ve come to understand:
Cultural and Social Media Pressure
Many spouses have unknowingly absorbed the belief that women should “bounce back” quickly after childbirth. I recently saw a video of a woman in tears because her husband called her fat, just weeks after giving birth. It broke my heart. That mindset isn’t just unfair—it’s dangerous.
Unrealistic Standards
Social media shows us curated, filtered, and photoshopped versions of motherhood. And if we don’t look like those images, it feels like we’ve failed—not just as women, but as wives and mothers too. The pressure is relentless.
A Wounded Heart
The Bible says, “Guard your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the issues of life.” So many of us have unknowingly allowed our hearts to be shaped by harmful standards. We’ve internalised lies about what our bodies should look like, and we carry that burden in silence.
So, what’s the way forward?
You must guard your gates—your eyes, ears and heart. Step back from the noise. Set healthy boundaries with social media. Be honest with your spouse and help him understand the emotional and physical journey of postpartum recovery. These conversations matter—for your healing, your marriage, and your mental well-being.
And never forget this: We do not wrestle against flesh and blood. The fight for our worth, identity, and confidence is spiritual. It’s deeper than what the mirror shows or what the world says. So give yourself grace. You are not alone. And your story is valid.
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Featured Image by Sora Shimazaki for Pexels
