We can all agree that fatherhood is one of the most demanding tasks in a household. To be a father is to be present for both the children and the wife. However, the definition of what it means to be a father has continued to evolve as the years rolled by. Gone were the days when, at the mention of breadwinner in a home, it was the image of the father that came to mind. These days, the father does not have to be the breadwinner. Yet, the responsibility of managing a household rests on the shoulders of the husband and the wife; therefore, fathers still play a very key role and are important to talk about.
Many people grow up with different types of fathers, such as those who are strict, laid back, present, absent, or hardworking figures who ensure their families are well-fed regardless of the circumstances. These varying experiences shape the kind of parent one ultimately becomes. For instance, some individuals strive to be present for their children because their own fathers were absent, while others may replicate their fathers’ behaviour. Since the home is the first place where a child learns before starting school, many children absorb lessons from their home environment, and some find it challenging to overcome the negative traits they have inherited.
In the fifth episode of the MENtality With Ebuka, the hosts, Ebuka Obi-Uchendu and Banky W, sit with Hermes Iyele and Timi Dakolo to discuss fatherhood and what it means to be a father today. The episode opens with Ebuka sharing the kind of father he grew up with. His father allowed him to choose whatever he felt was right, but at the same time, he was conservative about some things. When he wanted to go for Big Brother Naija in 2006, he did not oppose the decision, like every other decision Ebuka has made.
Some people are like Ebuka. They grow up with a father who allows them to be whatever they choose, yet maintains that strict “fatherness” often attached to African fathers. Meanwhile, there are people like Hermes Iyele who were brought up singularly by their fathers. This experience shaped Hermes and the kind of father he wishes to become. He says, “If what it means for a man to be present is physical, then he is at a disadvantage.” This is the kind of words that will come from someone whose father played the role of father and mother simultaneously.
One of the things that stands out in the MENtality With Ebuka podcast is the dynamics of its guests. One would assume that in a topic about fatherhood, only fathers will be invited. But the table for the fatherhood episode is rounded by three fathers and someone who is polyamorous. Yet, the conversation is rich and insightful. For instance, when Ebuka says, “I have some of the best conversations with my kids,” Timi Dakolo responds that “One thing I believe is, if you don’t speak to your children, someone else will.” This is because they know that fatherhood, as Banky W puts it, “is not just biological, it’s intentional.”
This episode highlights some burning questions that every father, and potential fathers, should reflect on: How differently from your dad will you raise your kids? What does it mean to be a father today?
Watch it!
