The season finale of Investigation Discovery’s documentary series Evil Lives Here: My Child the Killer, left me staring at the screen, wondering how a parent, who doesn’t come off as absent, could miss so many signs. I also felt genuine sympathy and confusion for the impossible position that mother now tries to survive. Not navigate, just survive.
Currently available on HBO Max, the series centers on a uniquely horrifying question: What do you do when the monster in the news is the baby you brought into this world? After watching the season finale, I have to agree with several of the online reviews: The show’s greatest strength is its focus on the parents’ choice. How do they reconcile the horror, denial, grief and ultimately the love they feel after their children commit heinous acts of violence?
The episode, “One Child in Heaven, One in Jail,” follows Sonia Ramirez as she is forced to endure her family’s destruction following son Ignacio Estrada’s devolution from a gifted, athletic and otherwise promising child into a hateful and murderous teenager. Sonia explains in grief-stricken detail the powerlessness she felt as she watched Ignacio engage in increasingly disturbing and violent conduct culminating in the loss of both of her children—one through death and one through incarceration.
In 2017, at just age 19, Ignacio committed an unspeakable act of violence. He fired a shotgun multiple times at his sister’s bedroom from inside their home, purposefully killing her. According to his comments to police, he intended to kill his father prior to the weapon malfunctioning, as well.
“One Child in Heaven, One in Jail” effectively spotlights a real phenomenon in the criminal justice system. The episode isn’t a case of “whodunit.” It’s not even so much a case of “why?” It’s a surface-level examination of the aftermath of unspeakable, inexcusable actions and the pain that follows. It’s more a question of “what if?”
Legally, the episode reminds us that violent crimes are sometimes organic, and the signs are often there if we look. Psychologically, it reminds us that love and accountability are not mutually exclusive.
If your child becomes a killer, at what point are they no longer your child?
As a criminal defense attorney, it was challenging to listen to Sonia recount the patterns and warning signs I’ve so often seen precipitate acts of violence. As a parent, it was infuriating to look back and realize that so much destruction could have been avoided if someone had helped Ignacio receive the help he clearly needed.
I have to remind myself that the law is built around hindsight. Parenting is not.
A rare instance but reality nonetheless
A few years ago, I wrote about parental liability regarding school shootings. The main question there revolved around a recurring theme in true-crime media: parents recognizing alarming or troublesome behavior but doing little to nothing to address the actions or investigate the underlying issues.
While mass shootings are different, at least in scope, than the tragedy laid out in “One Child in Heaven, One in Jail,” both involve guns. Both involve death. As is often the case, when someone is hurt, our natural inclination is to establish blame. And while situations such as this can potentially lead to criminal exposure for the parents, every tragedy does not create criminal liability for everyone involved.
The crevice between “you should have done more” and “you committed a crime” can be colossal.
Would you see all the signs? Would you give them the proper attention they deserve? To be fair, I can see Sonia’s argument: It was easier to chalk up the change in attitude and social cues to a teenage boy struggling through a rough time. But to me, it falls flat because even if that’s the only reason behind the changes, there’s still methods to provide intervention and assistance if it’s needed.
I’ve worked with many clients who’ve run into trouble navigating the bridge between youth and young manhood. It’s frustrating when I learn that family members were aware of questionable behavior that predates violent crime. I see the signs in retrospect. I can’t help but wonder: “How did you ignore this?”
But sadly, sometimes those questions aren’t inquired of out loud until an attorney asks a witness, “When did you first become concerned?” And by that point, it’s usually far too late.
Continuing contact after a catastrophe
The episode’s title doesn’t simply demonstrate the real-world implications of Sonia’s son’s actions; it provides a concise portrait of a parent’s hell: One of your children is dead, one is in prison, and you are left in the wake—forced to carry the weight of both causalities simultaneously.
And then there’s the choice. Do you bury both, literally and metaphorically speaking?
While watching this episode, I thought of the Bever family murders that happened in Oklahoma in 2015. There, two brothers stabbed their parents and three younger siblings to death.
Which made me remember a similar situation from about 20 years ago. As I was about to start law school, news broke that 13-year-old Paris Lee Bennett had stabbed his 4-year-old sister, Ella, to death. In the years following his conviction, Bennett received some press. At one point, broadcaster and journalist Piers Morgan questioned him in person as to whether he murdered his sister in an attempt to punish their mother.
Bennett’s mother—much like Ignacio’s—had decided to carry on a relationship with the child who murdered her child. She had a choice, and she made a decision.
That choice is the most challenging aspect of reviewing “One Child in Heaven, One in Jail.” Scenes of Sonia communicating with her son over prison calls, even in light of her acknowledging the hatred she’s felt for him, create quite the conflict.
Final verdict?
In practice, I can’t count the number of parents I’ve run into who’ve stood by their children through absolutely heinous criminal allegations and convictions. I’ve seen parents sell everything they own in a last-ditch attempt to do something, anything, to assist their child, whom they know did something unforgivable. Before I was a parent, I was incapable of understanding the attachment.
But now, the compartmentalization seems more rational. Even if parents can’t help but condemn the action, they also can’t help but preserve a version of the baby they remember in their mind.
“One Child in Heaven, One in Jail” hits a nerve, not only for the practicing criminal defense attorney but for all those tasked with raising a young child. After all, the question remains: “How do you forgive the unforgivable?” The episode doesn’t provide a clean answer, nor does it attempt to. Interestingly, that’s what makes it worth the watch.
Adam Banner
Adam R. Banner is the founder and lead attorney of the Oklahoma Legal Group, a criminal defense law firm in Oklahoma City. His practice focuses solely on state and federal criminal defense. He represents the accused against allegations of sex crimes, violent crimes, drug crimes and white-collar crimes.
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